I want to say something nice about the new Harry Potter movie, but I just can’t. All I can think is, you call that a movie? Doesn’t something have to move to qualify as a movie? And is there some sort of shame in having color in your movie? Does it all have to be silver and black? Is this a 2 hour homage to the Oakland Raiders? I would rather be watching football than watch this movie. Maybe that doesn’t sound extreme to you, but trust me, it is one of the strongest statements I can make.
Jay had the right idea – he fell asleep about 20 minutes in, and snored the whole time. I foolishly stayed awake, thinking that something might happen. I mean, there was a plot in the book, as I recall. I read it – maybe it was a bit tedious, but I did. All this seemed to be was an extended series of near-poisonings where everyone turned out to be alright. By the time that something I dreaded happened – which I won’t divulge, in case you are one of the dozen or so people who haven’t read the book – I was just plain burned out. The only reason I didn’t walk out on this movie is that I literally didn’t know where the exit was, and I didn’t want to turn on my headlights on the off chance that I might ruin someone’s enjoyment of the movie.
At least I got to see it at the drive in. I haven’t been to a drive in since about the 6th grade, when I believe they had Star Wars followed by Porky’s, and the only things I remember are my dad snoring through both of them and some kid at school saying that if my family saw Porky’s at the drive in, my mom must have thrown a blanket over the whole car.
My mom did not. But in retrospect, I’m surprised. I wish I had had a blanket to throw over my car tonight – that or I wish I could pull the memory of that movie out of my brain with a magic wand and store it in a test tube on the shelf…no, even then I wouldn’t get my 2 hours back.