I have been a do-gooder all my life. Always wanting the best, the ideal. Not materially, but spiritually. I revel in good deeds, in participating in a successful endeavor that will do no less than change the world. The next right thing is my mantra. Joy is being useful, helping people. I want to do good and seek out the good in others. I want to be the first to catch a glimpse see it, coerce it out if it’s latent. Maybe this is why I am a teacher.
Lately, I have been experiencing something strange – a confusion, a dizzying mental drag causing me to sway in my belief in humankind. It’s as debilitating as the vertigo I used to occasionally suffer, but again, it’s spiritual and emotional. A doctor once explained vertigo to me as a brain’s confusion between reality and its perception of reality. If the muscles in my neck are too tense and a breeze caresses them in just the right way, my brain will believe that I am falling although I am simply standing or sitting.
Emotional vertigo, I posit, is the confusion in my brain that arises when my ideals are brushed by even the lightest hushed wind of a disappointing human reality. When my expectations of something or someone I’ve idealized are met with non-ideal reality, my emotions swoon inside. My elbows tingle, I mix up words as I try to speak, I weep without direct cause.
The cure for physical vertigo that has worked for me is to stretch my neck and to ice those muscles. I am still seeking the cure for ‘emotigo’ – I know that the disillusionment will not last. Reality may not be ideal, but it’s not bad either – somehow to stretch my mental muscles and reset back to reality. Perhaps vacation will do the trick.
Sheila: Paul Brunton, and more recently -Eckart Tolle – have a lot to say about emotions. Emotion is something that just turn our life into misery. We should be neutral and look for other way of life. If you have a chance, read any book of both of them. You will love it.
Other thing: thanks so much for commenting on my NaBloPoMo effort at themoviesonthetable.wordpress.com.
I read you are an educator. You should try Educadoresurbanos.wordpress.com – but you have to read in Portuguese as it is written in this language. Even if you cannot read in Portuguese, try something that is in English language there and be my guest to write something for Brazilian readers about Education at our blog. I will translate it to the readers. What about talking about how is an USA teacher´s life? In Brazil, we could say it is miserable. They have no support and they have strong demands from society nowadays. So, consider yourself duly invited. Mari
I do believe that emotions can be difficult – I have been trying to do what my good friend (who is a therapist) recommends, which is to notice the emotions and say to myself, oh, that’s interesting… Observing emotions rather than being controlled by them… understanding that emotions come and go… sometimes I do that, and other times, I let emotions run me. I do enjoy emotion, though.
Thanks for the invite to talk about teaching in the USA – I will try to read the blog you recommended – I have a little Spanish, so maybe I will catch on – it’s definitely a subject that is of deep interest to me. Maybe I’ll write about teaching manana.
If you ever discover a cure, please share it with me. It sometimes feels like I suffer from permanent ‘emotigo’.
I find if I can’t get rid of something, then taking pride in it at leasts alleviates some of the self-induced suffering. For example, ‘emotigo’ makes me emotionally dizzy. This may not be optimal but at least I can take pride in my ability of not falling down. Look at me! I’m still standing.